


We Break at the Heart, Not the Bone

by CX100



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: #protectAlex2017, < literally cause it doesn't happen 1st chapter in, Attempted Suicide, Besttitleivemade, Depression, F/F, F/M, I am evil, I like my high school drama idea, IM SORRY THAT THE FIRST CHAPTER IS SHORT, ITS ONLY SO IT CAN GET BETTER, M/M, Self Harm, Transgender Alex, be prepped for shit to go down, expect problems to never be solved, imbadattagging, it's important to the plot sorry, my slowest burn yet, the death of Alex's mother, tried
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-21
Updated: 2017-10-14
Packaged: 2018-12-18 02:51:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11865114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CX100/pseuds/CX100
Summary: 1..."YOU SAID YOU WOULD NEVER HURT HIM!"2..."YOU SAID YOU'D BE A GOOD FATHER!"3..."YOU SAID YOU LOVED US"4..."NOW HE'S SHOWING UP AT SCHOOL WITH BRUISES"5... a gunshot, was she dead? The arguing stopped and the door slammed. Alex carried himself downstairs faced with his mother bleeding out on the floor. Alex dialed 911 and went at his mothers side, he applied pressure to the wound till paramedics arrived. Alex was panicking. He didn't even see them he was gone. His father shot his mom and she might die, as of now he needed someone to watch over him. Apparently his principal was his emergency contact, so guess who showed up at the hospital 2 hours later to comfort Alex, and guess who sobbed into his principals arms...





	1. A Broken Heart, and a New Start

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE DO NOT READ IF ANY OF THE FOLLOWING WILL TRIGGER YOU IN ANY WAY 
> 
> self harm  
> Attempted suicide  
> Abuse  
> Gay(for some)  
> Anything similar

   **Earlier that night**

Alex had arrived home after a long day at school. He was feeling pretty shitty and... oh no... Alex could already smell the alcohol. His mom was upstairs, but his father was sitting on the couch. Alex got scared and tried to quietly make it to his room when his father spoke.

  "Where are you going? The fun just began" James was clearly drunk.

 _Just make it to your room_ Alex told himself. 

   _To late_

"Why do I even bother with you. I promised your mom I wouldn't hurt you, I'm starting to wonder why I promised that. Sometimes I just want to hear you scream under my hands to knock some sense into you. Why how you're the reason we're living in this sad excuse of a house" James continued... 

   _Stop_

  It didn't, James got closer.

   _Dad, stop, please_

James couldn't hear him, no, Alex couldn't speak. The situation caught up to him why he couldn't. Hands were wrapped around his neck and he was being punched. He heard screams, a females hands... His moms hands. Alex was on the ground, he could hear. He couldn't speak, and he watched the situation unravel in front of him...

Fuck...

 

**Now**

Alex sobbbed into his principals arms, he looked up. Washingtons eyes welled with tears as he noticed the bruises that littered Alex's small frame. Washington was clearly devastated, his look could kill. Alex looked up at the only person he could call a father. He pointed at his throat and whispered.

"I can't speak well, he hurt me" Alex said, tears pricked the corner of his eyes."Is she okay?" Alex asked hopeful.

  Washington had to make sure he wasn't about to run out the door to kill James in cold blood before responding "We won't know for a while. She's in a medically induced coma which means we won't know till she's awake. They said they'll contact us if they notice anything... you know your mother and I are very close friends and I promise I won't keep anything from you" Washington said trying to reassure Alex. 

  Alex cried again, he felt himself being picked up as Washington held him against his chest. He moved Alex's hand to his heart "focus on my heartbeat Alex" a voice reassured him, Alex started to calm down as he focused on the beats. They seemed to steady his own, Alex was finally calm. He  looked around the white waiting room. Chairs littered the place empty. Nobody saw him except an old woman who looked sympathetic for Alex.

  "Would you like to come over to Marthas and I's place now?" Washington asked, Alex nodded and they went over. 

  Alex arrived and a few moments later he was in the room that he had used there so many times before. Alex removed his shirt and took off his binder. He eventually stood in the mirror and saw the many bruises littered over him. This was all because he came out as transgender, at least that's what Alex thought and he couldn't change that. The only good thing is that the man hurting them all was gone.

Alex observed his light brown sheets on a dark oak wood frame of a bed. Alex put on a shirt and slipped into bed, he had nightmares... When did he not. He just wanted today to be over, he wanted everything to be over...

                                           ________________________

 

  Alex awoke the next morning and groaned. It was 11:30 AM. Of course George let him sleep in. He wouldn't wake him up at 5:00 AM like his father. Alex then remembered the gunshot...

   _the gunshot, the noise rang through Alex's ears as his mother fell limp. He rushed to her side. She was bleeding out._

 The world faded around Alex. He didn't remember slumping against the wall, but he was against it. Hope s whole world was brought back to last night. Just last night he was crawling to his mothers side. Alex breathed heavily and flinched when he heard the noise of a door opening. He had to remember.

   _It's not your father Alex. This man is good. He's going to help._

 Alex shut his eyes tight, but allowed the man to approach without cowarding away. 

  He felt a hand, a familiar hand... George's hand, Alex relaxed at the touch and then he felt one of his hands being grabbed, it was placed on the mans chest. His heartbeat, Alex was almost instantly calming down as he felt the beats. They weren't steady like before, but it helped. Alex finally regained control and looked up at George. 

  "The hospital called" tears rolled out of George's eyes as he became sad and slumped next to Alex."M-Martha will be back tonight to sign the papers with me. We're adopting you. W-we all loved your mother very much. I'm so sorry" George cried and hugged Alex close while crying. 

  Alex cried, he couldn't stop. In this moment, he just couldn't be strong. Not now, Alex sobbed and memories of the gunshots. The last thing he saw was his mother bleeding out, but when he looked at her she smiled and mouthed 6 words to him.

   _I love you Alexander, be strong._

For now he couldnt, he just cried. Alex cried for a long time and George held him. This was too much for a 14 year old. He just watched his mother pass away and the world faded around him. He eventually came back and asked a simple question. 

  "Can we go back so I can grab a few things?" Alex asked. He knew it was safe since the place was currently be scanned for evidence, but they'd surely let Alex grab a few things that were upstairs. Alex sighed as he head George hum in approval. 

  A few hours later they had pulled up at Alex's old house so he could grab some things. He ran upstairs and grabbed 2 suitcases, he grabbed a bunch of pictures out of his mothers room and a few pieces of jewelry she had. He scanned the room one last time and spotted a journal. It was brand new and empty. There was a set of fountain pens with it. He looked at the shiny green journal again and noticed a genuine emerald placed on top. He then saw an envelope and on it read - _Happy Birthday Alexander._ Instead of crying, Alex smiled. She left him something from the heavens. If it wasn't that, then how come he spotted it. 

  Alex knew his mother was with him, but it's still hard to know you can't touch, feel, or talk to them. Alex took the journal and put it in his own bag along with hoodies and a few other articles of clothing. He was ready to leave. Alex met George outside and smiled.

  "What's got you all smiley" George asked grinning.

  "My mother, she left me this" Alex pulled out the Journal and showed it to George.

  George looked shocked as he spotted the jewel "she really is something, never leaving without a final goodbye" George said and hugged Alex close. He was crying again.

  "Never" Alex said and climbed into the car with his bags. He looked at the house one more time before flipping it off. That was the right way to end a shitty day. Yet Alex's adventure was about to get extreme.


	2. Anxiety and Realization

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alexander realizes he will never get the chance to see his mother again... oh yea we get to start our high school drama. Except it starts somewhere else

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sexual assault mentioned in this chapter. But this story is not based around the event so that's why I didn't put it in warnings... oh yea self harm. I know it's quick, but this is a wild story, but not op wild

That night Alex had been scribbling down a few things in his notebook with his eyebrows furrowed then he heard his door open. He looked up from his book and saw Martha. Her brown hair parted straight down the middle, and her hand at her side along her dress. The final feature noticed was the tears pricking her eyes. Alex then panicked, she knew his mom was gone.

   _Gone..._

That word had finally caught up to him. He'd never see his mom again. She would never smile at him again, tell him everything will be fine... no she was actually dead. Alex had forgotten Martha was in the room. He couldn't hear or see anything. He only remembered falling over and Martha running over. 

  Alex was panicking, he could see his dad...

   _no_

 He was holding a gun up to his mom

   _No_

 He fired...

   _"NO!"_ Alexander screamed as he woke up. He was drenched in sweat and not in his room. There was beeping and talking. Alex decided to open his eyes, a hospital room. Alex hated hospitals and tensed up. He immidiately noticed his bindings were off and he was in a hospital gown. People saw his bruises, people knew he was female, people knew he had been assaulted. Alex immediately went into panic. He pulled out his IV and ran to a corner of the room and sat there tugging at his hair.

  The world faded... _not again, not again, not again..._ He was in his home... _not again, not again, not again..._  His father had shot his mother. Alex started crying as he couldn't bring himself to reality. He heard a heartbeat, a familiar heartbeat. Alex regained enough cautiousness to hear. He heard the heart beat again, now he could feel it. His small hand being placed onto a warm chest, George's chest. Alex started crying as he came back.

  "Alex, it's okay son. It's gonna be fine, nothing's wrong. They said you were fine and that you only had a very mild concussion. You don't have an std, you're not pregnant, you're gonna be fine" George tried to reassure Alex. Alex had now figured out George was holding him in his arms. He regretted opening his eyes. There were 8 people gathered into the room staring at him. He shrunk in on himself as George waved them away and asking for a few minutes.

  Alex sniffled again and started crying, he threw his bruised arms around George and cried. He didn't care anymore, not about the pain of the bruises, not his head injury, not his own life. He missed his mom, she meant everything to him. Alex just didn't know what he was going to do anymore. It was hard... too hard.

  The next day Alex was allowed to go home. He hadn't slept, but who could blame him. Every time he sleeps the same thing comes back to mind. Sleeping was the hardest. Once they got back to George and Martha's home Alex ran to the shower. He turned the water burning hot as he tried to forget everything. 

  He started to cry, he wasn't sure if it was from the water or the memories, but he cried. He let anything he had been holding in out. He slumped against the wall of the shower crying into his knees. The water had little effect on him. The boiling water ran down his body and his tears mixed in.

  After a while Alex decided to stand up. He walked out of the shower and looked at himself on the mirror. The only thing that stood there was female. It had breasts and a quite obvious female form. Alex cried and lowered himself to the floor and cried out. He locked the door and looked in the shower. He found the razors and looked down at a not so obvious plac, his side. He managed to pluck out one of the razors and hold it against his side. Alex cried and cut small lines onto his side. The pain helped, this was his fault. He could've endured the punishments. His mom didn't have to die.

  Alex finally regained control and realized what he did. He looked at his side and saw around 20 small red lines littering his side. He was scared, this wasn't him. This was something living in him, something dark. Alex immediately took what he had used and threw it away. He grabbed some bandages and disinfectant to cover the marks and help them heal. Alex sighed and made his way to his room. Alex slipped on a white and grey striped long sleeve shirt and sweatpants. He made his way to his bed and stared at the ceiling. 

  What the fuck was happening. Everything that happened in the bathroom he didn't remember, just seeing himself holding the razor. He got scared and slipped back into a nightmare...

 

  Alex awoke to Martha shaking him. Alex awok and realized he was profusely sweating. Then he felt cold on his cheeks. He lifted his hands to touch them and realized he was crying. Alex fell forward and passed out.

  That's when things got the worst they could be. Alex was bleeding out. When he sat up one of the cuts must have gotten deeper, because as he was in and out of consciousness he saw Martha holding his small frame and Washinton taking him in a towel and tightening it around his middle section. Alex passed it in the car. Washington sat in the passenger seat holding Alex while Martha drove... Washington was crying as he held Alex to his chest.

  "Please don't take him away from us, he's lost so much already" Washington spoke as he was rushed to the hospital. That was the last thing Alex heard before passing out.

                              ____________________________________

  Alex woke up 6 hours later in a white room, another damn hospital room. Alex swore to himself knowing immediately that he would be put in a psyche ward, but that was probably for the best. He sighed as he sat up noticing George and Martha talking to a nurse. Alex coughed to get Gorges attention.

  "Hey son" George said "they said you need to be put into a psyche ward. I understand why you did it, but we knew you better than to do it again. So we're aware you didn't mean to accidentally almost kill yourself. Thank god you're okay, I couldn't imagine our lives without you. Watching you suffer was already hard. We tried to get your mom to move in with us, but when she said it'd be worse we knew he'd kill you if she accepted. I just never want to lose you" Washington said and sat next to Alex, he pulled Alex into a hug and the time George cried into Alex.

                               _____________________________________

  Two hours later Alex was being prepped to switch over to psyche. Alex was on the verge of tears before hugging Martha and George. "Just two weeks" Alex said as he gave a soft smile and shifting uncomfortably in his bra since he couldn't have a binder as of now. It was a sports bra, but nonetheless a bra and it sucked. What sucked more was the person he had been paired up with. Alex got to his temporary room and was greeted with a southern accent.

  "Ah so you're the new arrival" the boy stared him up and down "you have-" nope Alex was not letting him mention his breasts. He put a hand over his mouth and said.

  "Alex, he him his pronouns. Yes I have boobs, and no it doesn't matter" Alex grumbled and took his hand off. He then realized the scars lining up and down the other boys arm. Where there had been dark brown skiing before was now lined with light brown scars. Then he saw the other boys wrists were wrapped up.

 

  "Thomas Jefferson, he him his, and I'm in her for attempted suicide. How bout you?" Thomas asked looking down at Alex curiously.

  "In some sense attempted suicide. More like accidental attempted suicide, I didn't mean to cut so deep" Alex said shyly as his face flushed with red.

  Thomas looked down at Alex curiously."Well the left beds mine. The rooms just kinda the same as everywhere else if you couldn't tell. They just don't want us killing ourselves up here" Thomas chuckled. Then he moved to his bed and plopped in.

  Alex stared at his black curls for a few seconds, he was very cute... that didn't stop him from being an ass. Alex sat on the bed and looked at him for a second.

  "What's your age?" Alex asked dumbly

  "Seventeen, you?" Thomas asked looking up from his book.

  "Fourteen, but I turn 15 in A week. I'll be missing my birthday, but I guess I won't be missing much" Alex said.

  "Whys that?" Jefferson asked putting down his book genuinely interested.

  "My mother died just died the other day because my abusive father killed her. I was then at the hospital alone. My principal came and adopted me. My mother left me a gift and I took it. I have proof that that's my story though" Alex said and pulled down his sleeve. "See this?" Alex said looking at a giant bruise on his arm.

  "Yea, Jesus fuck. Your dad did that?" Jefferson asked looking at the mark with shock. Alex was growing fond of the attractive kid he was sharing a room with, but he already knew he'd be correcting Thomas if he used his wrong pronouns, and so two weeks of torture began, or love, or maybe just gay, eh who knows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE NEXT CHAPTER I WILL SLOW DOWN A BIT WITH THE PLOT. I just got hyped with writing this.


	3. Hospitalization and Frustration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex is complexed about his new roommate who is a dick, but is kind to him. Maybe his rudeness is just his overload of sass. Hahhahah I've done evilness/ sinning in this chapter. Plz don't kill me, I'm only trying not to make this smut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anxiety like every chapter, oh and sorry for disappearing. I'm a busy 9th grader barely passing math, and is about to full blown pass LA. Then I'm good at everything else. Except the fact that my schedule keeps changing so I have a lot of F's. Hopefully that'll get fixed. Thanks for sticking with me, if you did lol. Expect regular weekly updates or on a rare occasion two a week.

Alex finally finished a conversation with Jefferson that seemed to last hours. In all Alexlearned that Thomasnotonly had an abusive father,but also a mother who hit him. He was raised to be a snobby asshole and can't help actually being one. One day a switch clicked in Thomas's head that if he ended his life he could end it. Now he was going into the system. Alex also learned Jefferson was bisexual. He drew men and woman,and apparently he never got the chance to date, but drew his crushes. Alex was shocked by all of this.   

  Eventually lights out rolled around and Alex had a hard time sleeping.His bruises kept him up, and he didn't have music to keep hm calm.

_It's your fault she's gone_

_Your fault she got shot_

_You should've died_

 No

_You could've_

NO

_IF YOU DIED THIS WOULD'NT HAVE HAPENNED_

"NO!" Alex shrieked out loud, his heart thumping.He pulled his knees to his chest as his breath hitched and the world become a blur. Alex's eyes were wide and he balled up.He didn't know he woke Thoma, and he sure as hell. Didn't see him. Walking towards him. Alex cried and whispered no. His mind made him forget reality and replace all. Thoughts with his dead mom. Alex fell to his knees when he saw his mom dying in front of him again. She pleaded for him to be strong and all Alex could do was cry.

  Alex was lost in his hallucination and didn't even see Thomas flinch. Alex burried his head in his knees and sobbed. He didn't feel jeffersons hand on his shoulder, he didn't see Thomas talk to him, and he couldn't smell the cheap perfume he used. Alex felt one thing though. It was a heartbeat. Alex's breathing steadied and he regan cautiousness. Alex looked up at Thomas who had placed his hand on his chest. Thomas looked down at Alex terrified and worried. Alex kept looking for a second and without thinking he wrapped his arms around Thomas and hugged him while he cried. 

  Thomas was heartbroken for the child crying in front of him. Thomas wants Alex to be safe and knows he doesn't deserve this. He barely known Alex for a day and wants to protect him from anything, talk about bonding. Alex stopped sobbing and just fell forward Andy sniffles in Thomas's arms. 

  Thomas picked up th heartbroken kid and sat down on a bed with him. Thomas cradled Alex in his arms and whispered soft words to him as h drifted off. Thomas held the sleeping body and cried into his hair. Thomas never wanted to see Alex go through that again. He looked mortified while in distress. 

  Thomas eventually drifted off while holding Alex. Thomas laid hos head on Alex's shoulder and held him like a teddy bear as he fell asleep. Soon the world of sleep consumed him as he was placed into a dream.

 

  The next morning Alex woke first but needed to wake the southerner holding him to get out of his grasp.

  "Uh Thomas? Wake up and let me go please" Alex said pushing the lightly snoring kid next to him. Alex sighed as it seemed useless. Alex finally escaped his grasp and made it over to his shirts. Within the stack he found something he thought he would've had taken away. It was one of his tank top binders that went all the way down. Apparently they didn't double check. Alex sighed in relief and went to the bathroom with it and put it on. 

  Alex managed to slip it on and then looked at himself in the mirror again. C cup becomes trainer bra size in an instant. Alex was so happy and bounded out of the room to put on the rest of his clothing. He was glad the room didn't smell sterile like the rest of the place. On the other hand there was still the smell of Jeffersons Bath and Body Works perfume.  Alex decided he had enough of the cute fuck sleeping on him and he literally pushed Thomas off the bed. 

"GOOD MORNING THOMAS, god you sleep so long. But it's cute" Alex said laughing. He saw the tee jolt up immediately. He was shocked and looked at Alex while holding the back of his head from the fall. 

  Thomas decided this was perfect to attack. He ran towards Alex and tackled him down "how'd ya like that darling?!" He responded smirking.

"kinky if I do say so myself" Alex laughed and punched Thomas in the arm to let him go. Thomas had shock written on his face "oh get over yourself. I managed to get a binder in here. So you don't have to worry about the boob aspect anymore. Seemed to bother you yesterday" Alex said shrugging. He looked over at Thomas who was almost dressed. 

 "Wanna head over to get breakfast?" Thomas asked, obviously bored of the room. 

 "Oh why of course Mr.Jefferson" Alex chuckled and grabbbed Thomas's hand. They eventually made it to the cafeteria to get whatever gross food they had. Alex didn't touch his food and Jefferson ate the muffin, cause muffins. Alex talked with Jefferson about politics. Then there was one more to convert to democratic, and one more success added to the list. They went into a game room and there was almost nothing. So they went in the courtyard.

  A minute later Alex pulled a match and a cig out of his pocket. He lit it and started to smoke.

  "Uh, how'd you get that?" Thomas asked completely dumbfounded.

  "It wasn't hard. They don't search clothes well enough. They really suck at their job" Alex said cheerfully as he too another huff.

  "Jesus Christ you're a rebel, I can't believe you just did that" Thomas said and laughed. He decided to hold Alex's hand out of temptation. Thomas's cheeks went red and he looked at Alex who was blushing as well.

  "T-Thomas we just met.." Alex said looking at Thomas who was looking at him as well.

  "I know... I, I can't describe how warm you make me feel" Thomas said causing Alex to drop his cig. Thomas moved his other hand to Alex's cheek and kissed him deeply. It was hot and beautiful. Alex leaned in and wrapped his arms around Thomas. It was all gone to soon as they separated again.

  "That was magical" Alex said and smiled, then he giggled as he dropped Thomas's hands. "We can't get to attached, we may never even see each other again after these two weeks" Alex said notably upset.

  "Doll, it would only be a few years till we see each other again. I wouldn't hurt you, I wouldn't yell at you. I'd treat you how you should be treated. I want to make you happy. Your night terror scared me and I never want that to happen again Alex. I need you to be happy" Thomas said with a tear rolling down his cheek. Alex sighed and pulled him in to peck his cheek. 

  An hour later they were back in the room, Alex was reading, and Thomas was napping. Alex was bored so he went over to Thomas. He poked him... nothing, he punched him... a grunt, he kissed him... Alex was on top of him. This was an unexpected position. Alex leaned down and kissed him again. Why the hell couldnt he keep his hands off him. He was so gorgeous and his lips were soft. Alex was making out with the boy underneath him and soon positions were changed. 

  "Thomas, w-we can't now. Th-they'll get suspicious" Alex said after each kiss. Alex was feeling hot and he could tell Thomas was to. He eventually was freed and he got up. Then they cuddled for a half hour. 

  Then a knocking at the door-

"NEW ROOMATE" a kid burst threw the door and paused at the gay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> youre gonna love who I'm making our mystery kid, btw it's not Lauren's.


	4. Quick announcement

I am back from my hiatus, but you still have to wait a week. I just wanted you guys to know I will get this show back on the road soon. Thank you to all of the readers so far


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